A Most Powerful Combination

Knowing our job and playing a role are two different things.

We think our roles are what others expect. . . which leads us to do and say things that inflate our role.  In the long run it’s exhausting – for us and others.

Authenticity is the opposite of playing a role. It is more about managing yourself and less about changing others.

Be who you are while engaging in your WORK* is a most powerful combination.


*WORK = is life work. It includes your employment, your professional, social and personal life and how you navigate it. 




“Between stimulus and response there is a space.

In that space is our power to choose our response.

In our response lies our growth and freedom.”

~Viktor E. Frankl


Our  success and happiness are created between what happens and how we respond. Sometimes the space between stimulus and response seems like a nano-second. We get accustomed to moving and reacting quickly. Think about it. Traffic, deadlines,  and pressure demand so much that we spend most of our energy before lunch. . . leaving us depleted and not at our best.

Energy is fluid. Imagine that its water in a bucket. Now imagine that bucket is your only source of water all day. When you take a drink , you’ll need to find time to refill if you want to still have water later in the day.  Some of us have many people drinking from our bucket. . . How full is your bucket?

Buckets spill. Some are full of holes. Noticing your bucket and refilling periodically increase the potential of  having enough water throughout your day. If you fail to notice or refill, you will run out of water before you run out of day.  Same goes with your energy.

Our energy shows up in thoughts and emotions. How we think and how we feel drive our behaviors. Have you noticed what’s in your bucket? Is your energy full or depleted? It starts with noticing. Proactive or reactive, it’s up to you.

Consider this: 

  1. Behavior is the product of our thoughts & emotions
  2. The things we notice create our experience
  3. How we manage our energy shows up in our behavior
  4. Behavior is a choice
  5. Decide.



We each have a bucket. If you’re feeling cranky – you’re bucket is probably low or empty. If your people around you are cranky – they may have an empty bucket. Open the space between stimulus and response. Find where you can refill, renew and replenish. Notice your bucket – – -your energy. Success and happiness usually include a full bucket.



Boost Your State of Mind


Your state of mind is determined by what you feed it. Too much news and debate over logistics, opinions or politics and, well – you end up with stinkin thinkin .

Appreciation is the language of the heart. It doesn’t require technology, but it DOES require open hearted communication. The act of appreciation connects the people who are learning, living, working, or recreating together.

Our hearts connect us. Our minds divide us. What do you need and want?

Today’s Tip:      Express Your Gratitude!

Let people know what you appreciate about them. They probably have enough newsy information and critique. Heartfelt appreciation elevates our state of mind. Explore the possibilities when you give yourself and others a boost!

Super-Charged Strangers

You will see in the world, what you carry in your heart.

What do you see?


Life:  The rise and fall. Throughout it we give and we take. People come and go, just like attention. Much of our energy spend is in our head. . . and we forget what’s at the center of our existence ~ the HEART . ♥

Today, after sharing a heart-focused breathing technique with a friend, we debriefed. It was eventually helpful, but not in the beginning. The instruction was to focus on the area of the heart, then we moved into the technique. She said, “First, I had to find my heart. Once I found it, then I could focus on it. I had forgotten about it.”

We live, love and work in a sea of information. Our minds are super-charged while we are strangers to our hearts. They are not enemies, but how often do we encourage them to work together? Wouldn’t it be magnificent if they did?

Our personal, professional and social lives have BIG demands. We deliver our best to others. Think about it. How many times have you collapsed into a chair, exhausted after a long day? It may be the first time you’ve had to yourself.  Where did you go? What did you trade your life for today?  What did you notice?

Thoughts, attention and efforts vary, but the heart stays. We usually take it for granted until something falls apart. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Whether you have a team of one or many, the heart remains. We can’t function without it. Every relationship has heart. As a leader- your team  symbolizes your heart. Individually and collectively the heart sustains all that we are and do. Our wellness and success will fall apart unless we find our heart and care for it.

Today – find your heart.

Imagine breathing life through it. What do you see? 

You must stop looking at the world through your head. 

You must look through your heart instead.

~ Elizabeth Gilbert


Keep Your Shirt On!



Cool your jets.   Keep your shirt on.   Hold your horses.    On an even keel.  Cool as a cucumber. We’re not talking about jets, shirts, horses, vegetables or nautical adventures.

What are we talking about?    COMPOSURE:  well managed emotions.

The ability to manage our emotions and regulate our response starts with self-awareness, the foundation for Emotional Intelligence. If we want to be more composed, even in the most difficult of circumstances, we must practice.

What we think and feel influence our behavior. Want better behavior? Start observing. Ask for feedback. Gather data regularly. Note the ebb and flow of emotions. Do this for at at least a full week. The Mood Meter is an app that helps track and trend. click here to find out more: The Mood Meter App

Notice, track and trend, then practice. Don’t wait until you’re under pressure and over-extended. Practice. Be intentional. Mindfully breathe and stay with your breath.  Otherwise, prepare to get yanked around by the feelings. Feelings are like weather, constantly changing. To intuitively and calmly respond is a skill that requires time, attention and practice.

So, let’s practice keeping our shirt on, holding our horses, cool as a cucumber. Perhaps we will feel that way on occasion when things heat up.


 “It isn’t the things that happen to us in our lives that cause us to suffer,

it’s how we relate to the things that happen to us that causes us to suffer.”

~ Pema Chodron




Annoying Teacher

Too much talking can be annoying or it can be our teacher. We get to choose.

Don’t waste time in frustration.  

Pause.      Breathe.       Learn. 

“I have learned silence from the talkative;

tolerance from the intolerant


kindness from the unkind.

I should not be ungrateful to those teachers.”

~ Kahlil Gibran


Are you MAD?

adult anger art black background

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com


Mad is an emotion . . . or an acronym for Make A Difference. We all get mad or MAD. Sometimes it’s anger, sometimes it’s connection. Every thought, behavior and emotion impacts our experience and those around us. We get to decide what kind of impact. Decide if you want to feel mad or be MAD.

The next time you feel mad – dig deeper until you are MAD. You can elevate moods, performance and interpersonal connection. Try this:

Be Present.

Be Kind. 

Compliment people. 

Magnify their strengths ~ not their weaknesses. 

Say Thank You. 

Show your appreciation. 

This is how to Make A Difference.

Today – go MAD!


Photo by Gratisography on Pexels.com


Standoff – Your Call


This is an urban legend  with a cautionary tale. It symbolizes what happens to us at work and our personal lives. There is this common belief that we must be assertive, laser focused and looking out for our own best interest. Unfortunately, even our most sophisticated demands, opinions and strengths are moot if we lack curiosity.

The story retells a radio communication between two teams. For simplicity, we’ll refer to one team as Americans and the other Canadians.

Americans:   Please divert your course 15 degrees North to avoid a collision.

Canadians:   Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees South to avoid collision.

Americans:   This is the captain of a US navy ship; I say again divert your course.

Canadians:   No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans:   This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States’ Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, that’s one five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians:   We are a lighthouse; your call.

The best intentions create havoc and erode trust, transparency and collaboration if there is a failure to ask insightful questions. If you find yourself frequently in a standoff , it may  be time for a change. Standoffs are the result of blind spots.

Today’s Tip: Check for Standoff Blind Spots.

Here are three standoff points to consider.

  • Poor Interpersonal Relationship Blind Spot. Did you know the most common factor for derailed relationships is due to being too harshly critical, insensitive or demanding? Are you alienating co-workers, direct-reports, family and friends?
  • Rigidity Blind Spot.  Are you unable to accept feedback about behavioral traits you need to change or improve?  Do you have an inability / unwillingness to listen, learn and change?
  • Collaboration Blind Spot. Do you have an inability to work well with others? Being disrespectful, uncooperative, not sharing information, plans or credit are inviting more standoffs. 

Is it time to explore the added benefit of additional strategies and tools? Click here if you’d like more information on fewer blind spots and less standoffs. 3D Living, LLC  

Discover helpful resources. You don’t have to get derailed – professionally or personally.  We might be a lighthouse… it’s your call.