When we believe in something,  we must ACT like we believe.

 

How gratitude can build resilience

Have you noticed how uneasy we are with failure? We either make our mistake a big deal or throw ourselves into defending the space between our intended target and where we landed. What differentiates success and failure is what we do AFTER we miss our goal.

Failure is part of life. It starts early. Think about a baby learning to walk. They fall, get up and fall again. Eventually walking is easier and falling less frequent. We don’t tell the baby to give up because they aren’t good at walking. Even the thought of saying that feels ridiculous.  Falling is part of discovering what works and what doesn’t. It’s also how we develop strength, resilience and agility. We all fall. Our different responses to falling determine future opportunity.

Let’s think about our appreciation habit. How good are you at thanking others? How often do you let people know what they do, how it helps, and why it matters? If we went and randomly asked the people in your personal and professional arena what you appreciate about them, would they know? Is there anything else you can do? Have you given up, slowed down or stopped thanking people? Gratitude and resilience have a LOT in common. If you want to be agile, then start with strengthening your gratitude practice. 

We all like to leverage our strengths. It’s more comfortable to be successful.   However, in the world we live and work, not a day goes by that we aren’t faced with a new challenge. Some type change, direction, assignment, SOMETHING that we don’t like or aren’t prepared for is waiting. . . Here’s the rub – we won’t get to BE more if we don’t keep going. Failure is not failure unless we quit.

The difference between successful people and those who are not is who gets back up. If you are currently in a slump and ready to throw in the towel – don’t. Instead, pull up a chair, rest a bit and keep reading about a few famous failures:

• Thomas Edison’s teachers told him he was “too stupid to learn anything”.
• Beethoven was told that he was a hopeless composer by his teachers.
• Abraham Lincoln repeatedly failed to get elected into political office and failed at business before becoming president.
• Michael Jordan got cut from his high school basketball team.
• Bill Gates dropped out of college AND his first business failed.
• Oprah was fired from her job as a reporter because they didn’t think she was suited to be on television.
• Sir James Dyson of the famed Dyson vacuum cleaner was not successful until after 5126 failed prototypes.

Whether the challenge is a new work assignment, pursuing a fitness or financial goal, professional development, expanding our network, or connecting with people through intentional appreciation – we need to anticipate some bumps and falling in the road. As we fall, get tired or discouraged, we may discover our best selves when we learn to rest, not to quit. Be curious instead of critical.  Ask, “What more can I do to help achieve success?”

• What do I want?                                        How do I decide?
• What is my behavior/practice?            How do I show-up?
• What fuels my actions?                          How do I follow-through?

Start by thanking someone. Create the opportunity for them to experience the power of appreciation. Don’t delay. Do it. Be specific. Be bold and unapologetic. Let them know what they do and why it is valuable. You may feel awkward, but do it. Remember to rest, not quit. If you don’t do it perfectly, you’ll get to discover and learn. Keep going. Pull up a chair if you need to; don’t throw in the towel.  

 

May you have a delightful day. . . And remember to rest instead of quit.

~Val Fullmer-Wiggins,  Intuitive Feedback Coach

 

 

People are fascinating. We like some people and others we avoid. Culture and values shape us as children. We are trained: rewarded or punished, according to the values of our culture and our caregivers. As we grew and experienced life, we made choices based on our understanding. Our choices may or may not be in sync with our auspicious beginnings, but they belong to each one of us.

Like culture – politics and religion bring us together and drive us apart. And here we sit, a few days away from mid-term elections. This constant buzz. . . the non-stop banter,  dividing the “us” and “them”. EVERYONE has an opinion. What’s most interesting is that we want people to value our opinions and perspective. When they don’t, well – the battle of wits and broken relationships begin.

We cling to our opinions as if they sustained life. We struggle to get out of our own way and look beyond words and our own thoughts. Do we really believe EVERYTHING we think?  Ask any meditator, and they’ll tell you the struggle is REAL. Sitting meditation is a discipline of managing our rowdy mind and not running away from ourselves. When we  leave the mat – life resumes and can be a frenzied game whack-a-mole vs. gladiators. Irony is that we are all equally impacted by the discord. We want to get along AND we want to be right. They cannot co-exist. . . or can they?

What do we do?

• First – stop talking. Not forever, for a few  moments. Frequently talking is undisciplined and complicates painful situations. Be still.
• Next – simply sit and breathe. Feel your breath. Focus on the exhale. Repeat for at least 30 seconds. This helps your heart and mind sync up and you think more clearly.  Be Intentional.
• Now  – explore your own discomfort before trying to manage or control someone else’s. This is not about converting  others to our way of thinking, it’s about awareness. Be clear.
  • Use this time for self-reflection.
  • Consider why you are upset and if it might parallel the feelings of the other person(s).
  • Most opinions are cultivated from our vulnerabilities and passions ~ fueled by pain, fear and the desire to connect or gain approval. Unfortunately – if we are not mindful, our opinions can be loudly dressed up as the need to be “right”. After all, isn’t that how we started our education: drilled and rewarded for getting the right answer? Unfortunately – not everyone has the SAME right answer.
• Finally – is this a relationship you would like to continue? Is it possible for you to be a good listener and not a witty and fabulous debater? Not every difference can be solved or transformed in the heat of a moment. If you have a desire to continue the relationship, try cooling the fires instead of fanning the flames. First for yourself, then with your friend or colleague.

Below is an outline that may help you remember – the next time,  what to do:

 

The nanny-nanny-boo-boo rhetoric of current politics and right-fighting have shed light on the fact that we are no wiser than our ancestors from centuries ago. Conversations heat up quickly. People we love can trigger us and things escalate quickly. Before you get into your next battle of wits only to damage or sever another relationship because of what “they” think… take a moment and pause. Consider a different tact. What can we do different or how can we be helpful?  We may not solve the world’s problems, but we just might not add to them if we are better prepared to  manage ourselves. 

“I have learned silence from the talkative;

tolerance from the intolerant

and

kindness from the  unkind.

I should not be ungrateful to those teachers.”

~Kahlil Gibran

Notice the noise