Do you strive to get the RIGHT answer? Be faster, smarter, better, more efficient, etc.? Chances are, if you are like most, you were trained to respond that way. However, research and life are proving that slowing down may be better for our relationships and our health.

Ever feel put off by a doctor who rushed through your visit? Opted out of returning to a retailer because the cashier was too busy to pay attention to us or make eye contact? Connections are important. Conclusions may help on occasion, but get there too often or too soon and things unravel quickly.

Once we’ve reached a conclusion, we stop processing data. The only data that we DO process is what supports our opinion. And our window closes.

Fixed beliefs create challenges because people change. However, if our belief is fixed ~ we miss the opportunity to connect.

Next time you feel pressured to move faster, ask if you can afford to miss the connection. Pause and breathe. Show up with an honest curiosity instead of a sturdy opinion and see what happens.

 

Its spring and I saw a picture that caught my attention. It had flowers and a quote by William Wordsworth,

“If one daffodil is worth a thousand pleasures,

then one is too few.”

And I thought about the act of gratitude. Why do we struggle to remember human connection or express appreciation? Thank you is simple yet it’s not as common as gossip or complaining. If our actions were plants, we’d see we plant more weeds than flowers. Why do we do that?

Being the recipient of gratitude has a powerful impact when done sincerely and timely. It’s energizing and sparks innovation and encourages the recipient to be at their best. What if one expression of gratitude was worth a thousand productive minutes or a thousand smiles or a thousand of what you value most? Would you appreciate more frequently?

As you notice new life while spring unfolds full of flowers and new blossoms, consider what your relationship garden looks like. Are you planting flowers or weeds? If one thank you sparks a thousand positive moments imagine what several might produce.

 

 

*I passed a man today, asking passersby for $$ to get food. I decided to go to 7 11 …bought 2 pizza slices & a drink. I went back… “I bought you Pizza & a Coke!”

He looked at me …instead of thank you, said “PIZZA? I’d rather a burger & fries!” I said, well …I have pizza.

“Here you go sir, enjoy!” He grabbed the bag.

For a minute I thought, WHAT…no thank you?

I guess sometimes you offer your best  …and it’s not received how you feel it should be.

Agree?

But it dawned on me …I didn’t do that for his appreciation …I did it because he was hungry.

His response wasn’t about me, it was about him!

I accomplished what I set out to …get him something to eat …not change his character.

Point is, choosing an action, is the only part of the interaction you control. What happens next isn’t your call.

That doesn’t mean you should stop doing it. Just because it didn’t land how you envisioned, makes it no less valuable.

Act with the only expectation of following through. That’s within your power.

I think the same is often the case in business. Put in every effort to always present your best, regardless of controlling the outcome.

Maybe the next person I buy food for …will say thank you.

Maybe your next deal …will land!

Maybe your recognition and appreciation mean more than you know.

And . . .

*This message comes from Bonnie Sussman Strominger, LinkedIn post: Click Here

Notice the noise.

Observe the chatter – internal and external.

Listen for the silence.

 

Do not crowd or complicate the chaos with more talking.

Be still. Watch, listen and explore – – –

Be willing to be the observer and not only the participant.

 

Speak only when you are clear, intentional and it is helpful.

 

All that feels threatening is not.

 

You are Safe.

You are Powerful.

You are Loved.

Globally we are having more conversations around unconscious bias and contemplating where we may have personal or professional blind spots – individually AND collectively. We all have them. It takes effort to look within ourselves and do something about it.  Change is seldom easy – or uncomplicated. And yet – change is constant. The variable is personal to our awareness, beliefs and our tendency to try to make sense out of what is.

Unconscious bias can be defined as “social stereotypes about certain groups of people that individuals form outside their own conscious awareness. Everyone holds unconscious beliefs about various social and identity groups, and these biases stem from one’s tendency to organize social worlds by categorizing.” *

It’s quite possible that we also have an Unconscious Gratitude. We may be beneficiary of people who do what they do, but we get accustomed to it and forget it’s a gift. Sometimes we don’t recognize the gift until it’s gone or changing. (There are a LOT of songs about this very tendency).  It seems that the busier we are, the more we expect and the less we, collectively, express gratitude or appreciation to the people who deserve it most. On a daily, it’s a conversation that is happening around us. We can hear it if we listen – carefully.

There are people we depend on that feel undervalued, unappreciated or taken for granted. Ironically – it’s often the people we trust and appreciate the most who feel this way. We, somehow, think our trust is or should be translated as a thank you. Unfortunately, on the other end it often feels like becoming invisible or more work with little ROI. Ironically, when we discuss appreciation patterns with people the response is that they “don’t want to indulge them”, “they know I appreciate them”, or “I don’t want to thank them for just doing their job”. Why not? If we don’t thank the people we trust and rely on, why should they keep giving?

Unconscious Gratitude – may be defined as our lack of awareness or outward expression to acknowledge what we have and/or are being given. . . even if it’s “supposed to be” that way.

Is it possible you have Unconscious Gratitude? Are you willing to look and learn from it?

*  https://diversity.ucsf.edu/resources/unconscious-bias

What is the Happiness Advantage? Do you have it? How can you get it?

Shawn Achor, is an author of the Happiness Advantage in addition to being an inspirational and energizing speaker. Achor and his research show us how success and happiness are interconnected. He shares how we can apply practices to create sustainable positive changes. It’s no surprise that gratitude, appreciation and praise build and strengthen both happiness and success.

Here are three actions to help create sustainable positive change:

• Think of three new things you’re grateful for every day. This 45 second investment in your life can supersede genes and decades of experience.
• Do 15 minutes of cardio every day. The effects of cardio can be as effective as taking an antidepressant.
• Write a two-minute email praising or thanking a person you know. “If you do this for three days in a row, you’ll become addicted to it,” Achor said. “This increases your social connections, and social connections are the greatest predictor of success.”

Here’s a challenge for the month of November:  Engage in at least 2 of the 3 actions every day for the month. All three would be less than 20 minute a day. Chances are good that each of us could benefits from positive focus, and 20 minutes a day is a small window of time. Another tip is to start the day with the two-minute email. It helps set the tone for the rest of the day, for you and the recipient!

Imagine what it would be like to work and live among people who committed to positive and sustainable changes.

Magic of the gap

What is your mindfulness or meditative practice? Omega has a great article you might enjoy.

Omega Article