Your state of mind is determined by what you feed it. Too much news and debate over logistics, opinions or politics and, well – you end up with stinkin thinkin .

Appreciation is the language of the heart. It doesn’t require technology, but it DOES require open hearted communication. The act of appreciation connects the people who are learning, living, working, or recreating together.

Our hearts connect us. Our minds divide us. What do you need and want?

Today’s Tip:      Express Your Gratitude!

Let people know what you appreciate about them. They probably have enough newsy information and critique. Heartfelt appreciation elevates our state of mind. Explore the possibilities when you give yourself and others a boost!

It’s more than a buzz word. Transparency is a behavior.

What you do speaks louder than anything you say.

You will see in the world, what you carry in your heart.

What do you see?

Life:  The rise and fall. Throughout it we give and we take. People come and go, just like attention. Much of our energy spend is in our head. . . and we forget what’s at the center of our existence ~ the HEART . ♥

Today, after sharing a heart-focused breathing technique with a friend, we debriefed. It was eventually helpful, but not in the beginning. The instruction was to focus on the area of the heart, then we moved into the technique. She said, “First, I had to find my heart. Once I found it, then I could focus on it. I had forgotten about it.”

We live, love and work in a sea of information. Our minds are super-charged while we are strangers to our hearts. They are not enemies, but how often do we encourage them to work together? Wouldn’t it be magnificent if they did?

Our personal, professional and social lives have BIG demands. We deliver our best to others. Think about it. How many times have you collapsed into a chair, exhausted after a long day? It may be the first time you’ve had to yourself.  Where did you go? What did you trade your life for today?  What did you notice?

Thoughts, attention and efforts vary, but the heart stays. We usually take it for granted until something falls apart. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Whether you have a team of one or many, the heart remains. We can’t function without it. Every relationship has heart. As a leader- your team  symbolizes your heart. Individually and collectively the heart sustains all that we are and do. Our wellness and success will fall apart unless we find our heart and care for it.

Today – find your heart.

Imagine breathing life through it. What do you see? 

♥

“You must stop looking at the world through your head. 

You must look through your heart instead.”

~ Elizabeth Gilbert

 

 

Cool your jets.   Keep your shirt on.   Hold your horses.    On an even keel.  Cool as a cucumber. We’re not talking about jets, shirts, horses, vegetables or nautical adventures.

What are we talking about?    COMPOSURE:  well managed emotions.

The ability to manage our emotions and regulate our response starts with self-awareness, the foundation for Emotional Intelligence. If we want to be more composed, even in the most difficult of circumstances, we must practice.

What we think and feel influence our behavior. Want better behavior? Start observing. Ask for feedback. Gather data regularly. Note the ebb and flow of emotions. Do this for at at least a full week. The Mood Meter is an app that helps track and trend. click here to find out more: The Mood Meter App

Notice, track and trend, then practice. Don’t wait until you’re under pressure and over-extended. Practice. Be intentional. Mindfully breathe and stay with your breath.  Otherwise, prepare to get yanked around by the feelings. Feelings are like weather, constantly changing. To intuitively and calmly respond is a skill that requires time, attention and practice.

So, let’s practice keeping our shirt on, holding our horses, cool as a cucumber. Perhaps we will feel that way on occasion when things heat up.

 

 “It isn’t the things that happen to us in our lives that cause us to suffer,

it’s how we relate to the things that happen to us that causes us to suffer.”

~ Pema Chodron

 

 

 

Too much talking can be annoying or it can be our teacher. We get to choose.

Don’t waste time in frustration.  

Pause.      Breathe.       Learn. 

“I have learned silence from the talkative;

tolerance from the intolerant

and

kindness from the unkind.

I should not be ungrateful to those teachers.”

~ Kahlil Gibran

Are you MAD?

Surprise!

Mad is an emotion . . . or an acronym for Make A Difference. We all get mad or MAD. Sometimes it’s anger, sometimes it’s connection. Every thought, behavior and emotion impacts our experience and those around us. We get to decide what kind of impact. Decide if you want to feel mad or be MAD.

The next time you feel mad – dig deeper until you are MAD. You can elevate moods, performance and interpersonal connection. Try this:

Be Present.

Be Kind. 

Compliment people. 

Magnify their strengths ~ not their weaknesses. 

Say Thank You. 

Show your appreciation. 

This is how to Make A Difference.

Today – go MAD!

 

This is an urban legend  with a cautionary tale. It symbolizes what happens to us at work and our personal lives. There is this common belief that we must be assertive, laser focused and looking out for our own best interest. Unfortunately, even our most sophisticated demands, opinions and strengths are moot if we lack curiosity.

The story retells a radio communication between two teams. For simplicity, we’ll refer to one team as Americans and the other Canadians.

Americans:   Please divert your course 15 degrees North to avoid a collision.

Canadians:   Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees South to avoid collision.

Americans:   This is the captain of a US navy ship; I say again divert your course.

Canadians:   No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans:   This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States’ Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, that’s one five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians:   We are a lighthouse; your call.

The best intentions create havoc and erode trust, transparency and collaboration if there is a failure to ask insightful questions. If you find yourself frequently in a standoff , it may  be time for a change. Standoffs are the result of blind spots.

Today’s Tip: Check for Standoff Blind Spots.

Here are three standoff points to consider.

• Poor Interpersonal Relationship Blind Spot. Did you know the most common factor for derailed relationships is due to being too harshly critical, insensitive or demanding? Are you alienating co-workers, direct-reports, family and friends?
• Rigidity Blind Spot.  Are you unable to accept feedback about behavioral traits you need to change or improve?  Do you have an inability / unwillingness to listen, learn and change?
• Collaboration Blind Spot. Do you have an inability to work well with others? Being disrespectful, uncooperative, not sharing information, plans or credit are inviting more standoffs. 

Is it time to explore the added benefit of additional strategies and tools? Click here if you’d like more information on fewer blind spots and less standoffs. 3D Living, LLC  

Discover helpful resources. You don’t have to get derailed – professionally or personally.  We might be a lighthouse… it’s your call. 

The job market is competitive. So are the companies with jobs in the market. Whether you are happily employed or seeking a change, chances are that you striving to be relevant in pursuit of your livelihood.

Competition is common and we encounter it daily. Success is sorted by different levels of contribution and performance. High performance gets rewarded, (with attractive salaries, benefits and opportunity). Being noticed, appreciated and rewarded can symbolize relevance, and relevance suggests belonging. It suggests being closely connected. Confident. It may even provide a small portion of comfort.

Our confidence gets startled in an instant because, around the corner is competition and fear. You know what it feels like. That sense of security gone in a flash when someone knows more about a project than you do. When the office is buzzing with news of change and you had no idea. This is fertile ground for competition. It’s the space where we devolve from innovation and collaboration into scanning for threats, seeking rewards; focused on survival of the fittest. Change happens. Some of us become less generous with our cooperation, knowledge and appreciation. We exaggerate our role, contributions, privilege and sense of value. We call it relevance, but the tire guy, who doesn’t have a desk in the office knows that  over-inflation creates serious safety risks.

People, behaviors and tires have a lot in common. Did you know that over-inflating tires is highly discouraged? It increases chance of a blowout from excessive pressure. It reduces traction and performance and causes uneven wear. Vehicles experience less stability and safety for the driver AND passengers. Over-inflated tires (and egos) are more susceptible to damage from road hazards. They are more stiff and rigid than normal, leaving no room to flex around obstacles as they usually would. Tires and people share some common cautionary tales.

Today’s Tip: How to be relevant without over-inflation?  

• Check your tire pressure. You may need input from a third party. Seek input.
• Take a deep breath. Pause. Reflect. What’s changed in how you approach work?
• Slow down periodically. Be curious. Don’t conclude too soon.

Here are a few ways over inflating can sneak into your arena:

• Maybe you’ve been asked to “massage the data” of the report so it looks better.
• Or you intentionally omitted a detail to impress the board.
• You may have received feedback then argued, insisting the feedback was wrong.

Our desire to be relevant collides with our integrity and it’s in those moments that people are made or manufactured. Do you want to be trusted or applauded? Are you seeking comfort our demonstrating courage? You cannot have both in the same space. Just like people buckle under pressure, over-inflating your role reduces relevance and performance.

Remember:    Over-Inflating your role will leave you flat!

We can learn a lot about a person by their response to disagreement. It’s tough to remain objective. We’re all different and not equally equipped, willing or able. How we respond determines opportunity for inclusion or isolation, apathy or innovation, for collaboration or debate.

To disagree means to have or express a different opinion. Different exists. It doesn’t have to, but it frequently evolves into conflict. Conflict is bursting with possibilities. . . all dependent on how we respond. Do we dig our heels in or shift and explore?

We all have preferred behaviors that have become patterns. They repeat, even if they create more problems. These habits seem to pop up “automatically”.  If your patterns derail you, your team, your leadership or relationships, it’s time to Get Your SHIFT Together and create a different habit. Change the habit and you change the story, the experience and your opportunity.

“Conflict is the place where character and plot intersect.” ~Nancy Kress

Today’s tip: Put the Armor Down, Create a New Habit

• Curiosity with Self Reflection:
  • Is talking helpful? Who is listening?
  • Is this urgent or irritating or just inconvenient?
  • What questions would invite dialogue instead of debate?
  • How can I help open the conversation?
  • Who will be wrong? Am I willing to be as wrong as I want them to be?
  • Am I being defensive? What am I defending? Is this something I’ve been defending? Is this my blind spot?
• Open Intentional Space:
  • Create common ground with space for yourself and others
  • Demonstrate and express empathy, curiosity and willingness to connect
  • Listen, restate and appreciate
  • Stop the mental rehearsal. Listen without analyzing
• Plan and Prepare:
  • Decide one habit you want to change. One thing you can do differently to strengthen your relationships during disagreement.
  • Write it down. Post your new habit so you see it daily
  • Practice and review your progress.
  • Celebrate your wins, challenges and discoveries.

Welcome different and new perspectives instead of debating the obvious.  We are different. Wouldn’t it be great if differences and disagreement became invitations to live and work together skillfully? Are you willing to navigate the intersection of conflict?

 

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