Have you ever started your day determined for success, only to end up frustrated, defeated and exhausted in the evening? It happens to the best of us.  Somewhere after we start and before we finish, is the vastness of the in-between. . . full of enticing antics that derail us. How does our best plan result with the tail wagging the dog?

A wagging dog tail can be endearing. Even cute or sometimes amusing. However, it’s not so charming when it describes our experience and defeat.  This “in-between” is not about a dog or its tail. It’s about discipline, or the lack. When we surrender to distractions, our attention gets hijacked, our plan crumbles, and we refer to it as the tail wagging the dog. As if that helps.

It’s about the times we devote to distractions and abandon the discipline essential to getting from here to there. Those choices result in our submitting to disappointment over achievement. Frustration over joy. The tail becomes the experience and we miss the dog.

Distractions waste our energy. Concentration renews it. Sounds easy, but it’s not. To concentrate, meditate, or mindfully sustain our authenticity requires discipline. Discipline is the practice of building and sustaining a focused awareness and actions, even when something else may be temporarily more inviting. Discipline renews our energy and promotes trust. Distractions deplete our energy and cultivate chaos.

Are you tired of the tail wagging the dog? Are you ready for some real shift to happen?

Would you like to have a better “in-between” game and increase your sense of achievement? Perhaps it’s time to put the dog on a leash. Intermittent discipline throughout your day minimizes time spent in distraction and helps you regain focus.  You’ve got to intentionally show up for yourself and your plans more than you attend to distractions.

Today’s Tips – Practice Discipline and Show Up with Purpose in the In-Between:

1. Set your goal: Know your plan, schedule and goals.
   • What do you most want to accomplish?
   • What is one thing you want to improve?
   • Describe what motivates you.
2. Identify your challenges: This is the In-Between… where we often get distracted.
   • What are some common distractions?
   • What gets in the way?
   • List frequent triggers and interruptions.
3. Practice, Practice, Practice: Discipline adds value to the in-between. Pick one or two strategies that help you regain your focus, energy and composure.
   • Set an alarm for multiple times (3 to 5) a day.
   • Be grateful that you are showing-up for yourself.
   • What were you doing before the alarm? (avoid blaming or justifying)
   • Practice one minute of Mindful or Heart-Focused Breathing.
   • Realign your focus to support your plan.

You may discover that intentional interruptions/reminders are just what you need to shift your attention and get back in sync with your goals. Your ability to prepare, recover and adapt in the face of challenges come through practice and will support your best efforts, so the tail does NOT wag the dog.

“Everything in life is vibration.” ~ Albert Einstein

Vibration and shift are about movement. All living things are in constant motion. Some move faster than others. Just ask the parent who’s tried to keep up with the kids and ALL of their activities.

Vibe can be defined as:

• A feeling or quality capable of being sensed
• To be in harmony
• To convey a sense of (a place, a feeling, etc.)
• To enjoy music

Talking about feelings can make us uneasy, so we deploy euphemisms like culture, engagement, approval and experience. Professionals rely on complex criteria, metrics and surveys to understand the vibe within their organization; corporations, teams, religions, politicians and consumers. Statistics and strategic talking points crowd our news, thoughts and social gatherings. And quickly we are overwhelmed and in the midst of conflict.

How is it that our data rich influence, gloss and analytics often miss the personal experience or vibe? And WHY do we debate it? Vibes are feelings, not a curriculum or  law. Feelings are unique and untidy energy that move us to connect and engage ~ or ~ withdraw and disengage.  To debate a personal experience is as effective as arguing with the weather.

What is your vibe: personally or professionally and how can you elevate it?  Is it possible to change how you perceive and respond?  Vibes are contagious. If you don’t like what’s happening around you, get your shift together and elevate your vibe.

Today’s Tip: GYST ~ Elevate Your Vibe  

1. Self-Awareness: Pause and consider where you are now. If your current or dominant vibe were a song, what would it be? Describe the song / music / lyrics.
   • How does it align with your priorities?
   • Is it in harmony?
   • Can you change your genre? Are you stuck? Do you need some encouragement?
2. Practice: We are what we repeatedly do. Here are a few ideas to implement:
   • RAIN: Stop and list 3-5 things that are Right About It Now
   • Mindfulness: As you connect with what is ~ here and NOW, you are more harmonious.
   • Focus on a positive feeling. Next, try to re-experience the feeling. Stay with it. Can you sustain the shift?
   • Uplifting Consumption: Ensure you listen to, watch, read etc. information that is uplifting and supports raising your vibe.
3. Reflect: Allow yourself to look back on your experience.
   • How did you: Feel? Adjust? Respond?
   • What did you do well?
   • What do you want to do differently?
   • What did you learn?

Every person, team, organization, and encounter has a vibration; a quality that can be sensed. We don’t need more data. What we need is to get our shift together, raise our awareness, focus on what we DO want and respond with care.  Our experience starts on the inside and resonates out.

“Learning to activate uplifting heart qualities sends a different signal from the heart to the brain. It can change how we perceive and respond to situations” ~ Debbie Rozman

 

You’ve probably heard someone declare, “It is what it is.”   I find it confusing.  So I frequently ask the question,  “What is {it}?” and the answer is almost always, “What it is.”

Clear as mud.

The statement seems to suggest acceptance. If it is what it is, why do people pour out so much of their precious time and energy critiquing what IS  and complaining about what it is NOT.

What do you want?

Today’s tip:  What it is . . . not

1.Clarify what “it” is. Decide and devote your energy to that.

2.If you’ve been complaining, stop.

3.Stop talking about what it is not. Silence is better than confusion.

Decide what you want. Show up and give it your attention. Boycott investing time and attention into what you do not want.  After all, if it is what it is, that says it all.

Determination is the manifestation of resilience, strength and courage. It is the opposite of comfort, and shows up in various ways.

“Courage does not always roar.

Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,

I will try again tomorrow.”

~Mary Anne Radmacher

Whether your courage is loud or quiet, it as a good traveling companion worthy of respect.

 

May you be bold in your life adventures

and

May you offer encouragement to your fellow travelers.

Some days I get tired of sorting data and opinions. Truth of it is, my own thoughts make me weary, now add to that social media, 24-7 news, and constant chatter, ~ it’s overwhelming. And ironic. I am energized through human connection ~ and it depletes me. What a conundrum!

So, what creates the fatigue? Is it the heightened enthusiasm and frequency we encounter opposing perspective? Is there a difference between opinion and prejudice? How can the topic and focus of Diversity & Inclusion possibly become more than a corporate strategy? Can it be more? Perhaps, if we decide to get out of our own way.

Have you ever shared an experience only to have your story hijacked by the opinions of the people who were targeted to be your audience? Fascinating! How does your story get side-lined for the rant? It happens so quickly. And now it’s everywhere!

Our world is more inter-connected and disconnected than ever. Change is constant and swift. When we emerge from our thoughts, we encounter a fast-paced, head-strong, and vocal world… the single space we all share and belong… but where?

And so, it begins. . . the people-sorting. The business of categorizing, containing, and organizing. Defining demographics.  Identifying distinguishing characteristics so we can somehow align like qualities with our preferred labels.  The labels may be helpful to some, but not all. Labeling is also ground zero for bias that can cultivate prejudice. . . Even in the most educated and kind-hearted people.

Prejudice is a fixed mindset with omniscient qualities. It tricks the mind into thinking it “knows” truth. It’s rigid, one-dimensional and does not shift. A shift is fluid, prejudice is unbending.  How is it that as humans, full of life and infinite potential we enslave ourselves to the burden of prejudice?  Why do we continue doing it? And how does this one-sided view lead to a better life, business, government or world?

Stop! Before posturing for defense to reassure yourself that you “don’t have a prejudice bone” in your body,     don’t. . .    Instead, pause. . .    Mindfully observe.   The very nature of the thought IS biased. We all have some degree of prejudice: opinion, intolerance, predisposition, bias, partisanship, etc. What we do with it determines the quality of our experience and available opportunities within our reach.

One way to open possibilities is to Park Your Prejudice. It’s an exercise I include at the beginning of corporate training. It invites reflection and increased self-awareness. You are invited to give the exercise a try;  for an hour or longer. You don’t need anyone else to participate with you or know you are doing it. You decide. Give the exercise at least one chance and see what happens.

Park Your Prejudice Activity:

Supplies:                                                                                                                             

• Matchbox/small car or a picture of a car/vehicle
• Pen
• Post-it notes
• Ziplock bag
• Box

What to Do:                                                                                                                      

1. Decide how long you are willing to park/suspend your prejudice. (i.e. 1 hour, until lunch, during the entire meeting, etc.)
2. Select your car/vehicle.
3. Think about your (unbending) beliefs, that tend to disrupt conversations. Include them if you only think them or  if they distract you from listening to what is being said. (Opinions, personal rule-book, etc.)
4. Write one belief per note.
5. Keep writing for 5 minutes.
6. Place your car in the Ziploc bag.
7. Place your post-its beliefs with the car in the bag.
8. Close your Ziploc.
9. Park your vehicle-notes bag in the box.
10. Take a deep breath and allow those beliefs to stay parked until (the time you decided.)

What shift do you experience when you give yourself permission to get out of your own way and park your prejudice? What could happen if we did this into one hour each day? We will never know unless we begin and invite the shift.

“Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.” ~Mary Oliver

“If you want to build a ship,

don’t drum up men to gather the wood and

don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather

teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.”

~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

When We Choose a Positive Attitude We Make 3 Choices:

1. A choice filled with possibilities
2. We choose an attitude that supports creative visualization
3. An invitation that generates a SHIFT into action

Every choice influences our next. When we choose an open and positive attitude, we can exceed our highest goals. Wouldn’t it be delightful to surprise ourselves with what is possible?

Attitude leads the way. What choices will we explore?

 

Determination is the follow-through for growth – moving forward. Milestones track our progress; from lofty goals to baby steps.

When I consider the qualities of determination, I think of children. Their growth and development are mind-blowing. We measure their milestones closely; first in months, then years. Babies are born completely dependent for their survival. Slowly, they begin to hold their head up, roll over, smile, etc. It’s a big deal. You can find a plethora of apps to track early childhood development that benchmark what to expect and what to do when things don’t seem on-track.

Have you ever been foolish when encouraging or celebrating a child’s progress? We teach young children that determination is a high-value quality that gets heavily rewarded.  We encourage, prod, nudge, cheer, clap, etc. Early on, they demonstrate the importance of determination. While at times, they can be frustrating, their resilience is inspiring!

As children mature, the space between milestones grow further apart. Eventually milestones become a lower priority or we blow them off. Afterall, “We don’t want children to expect a celebration for everything they do.”

Interesting. As they become independent, we often become less encouraging.  Is it because we struggle to encourage ourselves? Is there any milestone or benchmarking for adults who are striving for growth, progress or achievement?

Somewhere between the magic of infant development and evolving adulthood struggles we encounter discouragement. It’s a common occurrence that is unique to each of us. The discomfort of developing a new habit can feel discouraging. It’s where we face challenges independently and without a strategy or app for milestones, we get discouraged and revert back into our old familiar way of being. We focus on what’s NOT going well and give up.

STOP!

How did we transform from a highly resilient, determined child to a win-or-lose adult? Can we learn as much from our children as we want to teach them? Perhaps.

3D Living – Meet Baby Planks:  Desire – Discipline – Determination                    

1. Desire – Baby wants to move.
2. Discipline – Push against the floor. again and again.
3. Determination – Keeps pushing until, “Hey Look Mom!”.

The baby in this photo is my grandson. And yes, that’s a baby plank. While planking was not on any child development app, it was how he transitioned from not crawling to moving. He planked before he crawled. Now,  6 years later, his determination is still as fierce! He reminds me that anyone can do anything they choose. All they need is to 1. Decide… 2. Show-Up… and 3. Follow-Through. One baby plank, one milestone at a time.

Determination is cause for celebration. Follow-through!

A professor entered the classroom and asked her students to prepare for a surprise test. They waited anxiously at their desks for the test to begin. The professor walked around the class and distributed the exam papers, face down.

She instructed the students to turn the page and begin. Much to everyone’s surprise, there were no test questions, only a black dot in the center of the page. The professor observed everyone’s bewilderment and said, “I want you to write what you see.”

The perplexed students did as they were instructed.

Near the end of the class, the professor gathered all the papers and read each one of them aloud. Without exception, every student had described the black dot, its precise position in the middle of the sheet, etc.  After all papers had been read, the classroom silent, the professor began to explain:

“I am not going to grade this test; I want to give you something to think about. Each of you focused on the black dot. No one wrote about the vastness of open space or qualities of the sheet of paper. How many of us spend our lives this way? We have an entire page, yet we focus on the single dot. Every day is a gift, with reasons to celebrate. So why do we talk more about the dots – the problems and disappointments?”

The dots are small when compared to a piece of paper, and the fullness in our lives, yet they dominate and pollute our thoughts.

Dots distract us and deplete our energy.  Appreciation restores it.

Today’s tip: Shift

1. Shift your attention, focus and energy
2. What do you see? What else?
3. Be fully present in your experience, every moment. Appreciate and all that you can. . . Dots and all.

 

*the author of this story is unknown