“We have to lay down the very thing we’ve used our whole life to get what we want, for something greater to occur.”~Dr Joe Dispenza

Do you have a love-hate relationship with the word discipline? It’s a word that conjures up unpleasant emotions.  Contrary to traditional belief, discipline is not a punishment. It is an intentional practice where we engage with constructive discomfort.

When we decide what we want, what happens next? Change. We choose to do something different to move in a direction that better aligns with our desires. It sounds easy, but it’s not. When we move into the change arena, we quickly feel compelled to reach back into our old habits for comfort.

The funny thing about comfort, it often leads to discomfort. Comfort habits (food, sleep, social media, drinking, etc.) eventually makes us uncomfortable. And then we overuse what we are familiar with. It might help to remember that comfort is temporary. So is discomfort.

So what do we do?

Today’s Tip: –  Show up!

1. Remember your goal. Your desire. It’s what you decided you want more than habituated comfort.
2. Show up! One minute at a time. And Keep showing up repeatedly. Like bathing and brushing your teeth. It’s temporary so we do it more than once.
3. Encourage yourself and allow others to share in your journey. Celebrate your wins.

We don’t live our entire life in one minute. We simply need to be in THIS minute. Be mindful, decide, then show up. Discipline is a gift, choice, and practice.

 

Every day begins with endless possibilities. A new day ~ a new opportunity. Our best intentions dance with a plethora of disruptions and competing priorities. It’s baffling how quickly things fall apart. Without a plan or practice in place, we experience meltdowns long before we calm down.

Good news, we can strengthen our calm composure. It takes time, practice and encouragement. Every time we mindfully calm down and connect with our breath and body, we practice. We pause to fill ourselves with ourselves instead of projecting an imaginative role we believe we are expected to portray. We respond to our internal discomfort with an internal solution.

Today’s Tip – Practice Stillness

1. Schedule time daily for stillness, even if it’s 5 minutes.
2. Mindfully bring your attention to your breath. Feel each breath bringing life and calm into your body.
3. Meet yourself with awareness, compassion and gratitude.
4. When your mind wanders, notice and return your attention to your breath.
5. As you conclude your practice, bring your experience~ the memory and feeling with you throughout the day.

Experiment and explore the spaces of stillness. What happens if you calm down before you melt down? Can you be curious more often than you are critical? Can you support yourself and your practice?  Let’s see what happens.

“Learning to calm down instead of melting down takes time, practice and encouragement” ~Ariadne Brill

What do you want? Is it a wish, an idea or a desire? What’s the difference? Action! A desire is such a strong feeling it moves us into action.

So, what do we do first? Decide. In all the mental noise and activity, we can pause to figure out what is our desire. If it’s truly a desire, something we want enough to DO something for it,  we need to be specific and be clear.

Think about it. Most of us can effortlessly rant about what bothers us. For some reason, it doesn’t take as much effort to define what we don’t like. And that “don’t like” focus is exactly where our attention and energy go. . . Until we decide what we DO want. Deciding is a game-changer.

Today’s tip – Decide:

1. Pause, mindfully to reflect. Ask yourself, “What do I want?”
2. “Is it something I’m willing to invest my time, attention and effort?”
3. Decide. Your decision, and answering your inquiry, is how you move desire from thought into action.

We must first meet ourselves ~ where we are, to determine what we want before we can move toward it with intention. Desire is the thought. Decision is the first step.  We don’t need more time; we simply need to decide.

What will you do with your attention today?

“The brain may think, but the heart knows.”

Dr. Joe Dispenza

Our heart is the center everything. It sustains our life, personally and professionally. It’s our center for “emotion”, the feeling function. There’s big business in measuring the condition of the heart:   companies send surveys to analyze and determine client and employee satisfaction. Doctors have a myriad of technology to measure the physical functions. And we still tend to over-focus on logic at the expense of the heart.

The brain has an executive function; however, it doesn’t function without the heart.

We credit the heart for mind-blowing success and devastating love-lost. It knows hope, optimism and grief. And we tend to minimize our hearts until there’s a problem. Indeed, our relationship with the heart is complicated, and yet it keeps beating.

For example: a heartbeat of 80 beats-per-minute translates into about 115,000 beats per day or 42 million times per year. What else do you do reliably 42 million times a year?

Determined!    Determination.            De-Termination.

Determination is a quality of continuing, or trying to or achieve something difficult; the act of officially deciding. The word termination is to end, conclude, or the act of deciding definitely and firmly. The prefix, de means to do the opposite of, the reverse of something.

If frustration or discouragement tempt you to quit, remember your heart. Consider this: Rest, don’t quit.

Determination Tip – Take Heart:  

• Place your hand over your heart. ~ Do you feel that? That’s determination! You already have it!
• Remember: Stopping is not always quitting. But quitting is always stopping.

When you get discouraged, move your attention to the area of your heart. Take a deep breath and remember, to rest, not quit. Your brain might think you should quit. Get a second opinion, because the heart knows.

Life is a mirror. People reflect back what we believe about ourselves.  That’s a tough message. Test it out yourself.  Ask, “How many times have I been critical of myself or someone else today?” Be honest. Even if you thought it. Do you notice that in others too?

People proudly say they are their own worst critic; like it’s some medal worthy accomplishment. These same people also complain that they get overlooked, treated badly, taken for granted or not valued.

Here’s the rub, when we are harsh with ourselves, other people follow our lead. If we’d like people to view and treat us better, we must show them how. Self-care and self-compassion are essential. How we view and respond to ourselves impacts how we interact with others, professionally and personally.

It starts with our thoughts. We have a complicated relationship with our “thinking” self. The mind is constantly chattering. When we pause to notice, we can find ourselves in hostile territory.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we included appreciation in that internal chatter for what we are doing well, instead of only harsh critique? Balanced perspective is good for our outlook. What if we tried to make friends with our thoughts throughout the day? What impact could that possibly have on our interactions?

Today’s GYGO* Tip

Prepare to engage your thoughts with consideration. Appreciate what you have done well. Don’t worry, your well-practiced fault-finding feedback loop will speak up so you don’t get a “big head”. (It’s been the center of your attention for years). What could happen if you appreciate yourself? Do you want a more balanced experience? Make friends with your mind.

• Schedule time daily to practice. You deserve at least 5 minutes a day.
• Write down 2 or 3 things that you are doing well.
• Appreciate yourself. Take a moment or two to feel gratitude for what you ARE doing.

Stay with this for 30 days. Even if you miss one or two, keep going. Start where you are. One day at a time. You just might feel more resilient and creative. It’s possible the people around you may follow your lead.

“You can choose courage or you can choose comfort. You cannot have both.” 

 ~Brene’ Brown

Have you ever had a conversation that didn’t go well? A time you felt uncomfortable or uneasy? When that happens, how do you respond? Most of us seek relief – quickly.

Comfort is that wonderful feeling of ease and freedom. Seeking comfort is part of the human condition. We find shade when it’s hot, a sweater if we are cold and a place to rest when our feet hurt. What about emotional discomfort? It’s not as easy to solve.

The news, social media and conversations are brimming with blame, complaining and venting. The person venting may get some relief, but not anyone else. It takes great effort to stay out of the exciting and prolific Stinking-Thinking Its-So-Awful repartee.

Here’s an example: A Google search delivers 5,340,000,000 options for comfort, compared to discomfort with 66,100,000. It appears that comfort lapped its opponent more than 80 times. We all know that comfort feels better than discomfort. So, what’s the big deal?

Eventually when we return to ourselves, we must contend with the discomfort that is part of life. We review our goals, evaluate our progress and wonder why it’s taking so long.  How can that be? Did we overlook the in-between? That space between where we are and where we want to be? We chose our goal, now it’s time to explore HOW to get there.

How much discomfort is enough? Do we really have to go through it? Isn’t there a short cut or an app for that? Consider exploring an added dimension of discomfort; one that’s constructive, courageous and an essential discipline to achieve your goal. If you set your sites on running a marathon you can’t just comfort your way to the finish line. What you want requires goals, training and some challenges along the way.

Today’s Tip – Disciplined Choices:  Courage or Comfort                                                          

Discipline and growth go hand in hand. We get to choose our response to every situation. Courage and comfort rarely co-exist. We embrace one at the expense of the other.

First:    Decide what you want. What will it take? What type of discipline are you willing to incorporate? Once you have clarified those questions you are ready:

• Observe: shift from being the participant to being the observer. Imagine you are reviewing yourself from a higher level of being. A place of open curiosity, without judgment.
• Inquire: Is this discomfort constructive? Is it a necessary part of achieving your goal?
• Participate: Choose. Between disciplined courage or intentional comfort.

Shift is a verb and a noun with similar meaning.  A shift is a change or adjustment. We have opportunity to shift each day. It starts with noticing.  Our level of self-awareness drives our choices, which feed off our moods. Our moods impact our overall energy and influence our experience. Day after day. Week after week. Year after year.

Emotions provide insight – and data. On average we encounter 400 moods or trigger events per day. What happens? Are we aware during each event or do we notice AFTER it’s over? Do WE manage them or do THEY manage us?  Or Both?

Most of us waste our energy not prioritizing our feelings, which are constantly moving. Emotions energize or drain us. Just like our phones, but we usually give our phones  greater focus and care. We know our phone’s energy limit and recharge it before it’s too late. Wouldn’t it be great if could to that for ourselves?

We can!

How?  Decide to Get Your Shift Together. You can disrupt habituated patterns and mindfully manage attention, energy and ultimately your experience.

Today’s Tip: Level Up

Level Up is to return to your BEST self. See what happens when you do this:

1. Set an alarm or visual reminder that grabs your attention throughout the day.
2. Take a breath. Here’s the level up part. Give yourself permission to slow down and:
   • Move your attention to your breath. Breathe slower and deeper than usual. Continue breathing and ask yourself:
     • What is my current mood? What am I feeling?
     • Is it high or low energy? (i.e. Excited vs. Calm)
     • Is it pleasant or unpleasant? (i.e. Content vs. Frightened)

3. Think of an experience where you felt happy, peaceful and appreciated. Now, move the memory from thought to feeling. Genuinely attempt to re-experience the higher mood-state of your memory. It might take more than once. This practice can strengthen your self-regulation and improve your choices.

The ability to stop and pause in the midst of busyness is powerful practice. It may sound simple, but don’t confuse simple with easy. Start where you are. One Moment. One mood. One positive feeling at a time.  You may discover a better mood, boost in energy and your brighter overall outlook more often.

 “Keep your mind on the things you want, and off the things you don’t.”*

Great idea. It’s simple enough. Then how do we get so far away from our deepest desires and highest priorities? Have you ever poured yourself into frustration and distraction ~ then wondered how you got there? And when you finally do notice, you’re too exhausted to do anything about it?

Me too.

In a world of competing priorities filled with an abundance of convenient, enticing and demanding distractions, how can we meet our responsibilities and still focus on our highest values? How do we return to what matters most? Do we remember? What DO we want?

*sigh*

Distractions are ever present. Frustration sneaks up on us while we are distracted. It happens so quickly and frequently. What can we do? Mindfulness – attend to what we are doing now.

We can raise our awareness throughout the day and notice how we’re spending our attention and energy. Take a mindful breath and notice when we’re in areas that pull us off track. Instead of opening the flood gates of depleting energy and frustration, we can consider distractions as data. Distractions = data. Data is information. Information empowers our decisions.  Perhaps distractions can serve as a gentle nudge that brings us back to our values and ourselves.

Today’s Tip:

When we drift into the weeds of depleting attention, mindfully acknowledge we’ve become distracted, and begin again. And again. And again. Thank ourselves for noticing. Distractions are a part of life. The magic happens when we respond and recover from them.

*This quote has been credited to many from Napoleon Hill to Bruce Lee. Perhaps they ALL did.

Start where you are.

Stop. Notice. Listen. Breathe.

Repeat. Often.

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